My driving forces are boredom, misunderstanding and chaos.
Boredom has brought me my current life. The most important decisions in my life where made out of boredom. Like in 2015. I was in Byron Bay, Austalia. No idea what I was doing there, but I didn't have a reason to go somewhere else. I must say I was pretty unhappy. I was just living the days, doing nothing. Waiting for life to happen. Nothing happened.
Then one day a lady I just met told me right in my face: 'You are lonely and bored.' Tears. Help! 'What do you like to do?' I don't know. Together with her I made a list of fun things to do. Dancing lessons, horse riding lessons, ceramics, art classes. I could do anything as long as it wasn't with my head. No language classes for instance.
Next day my mission started: let's create some fun. I called for horse riding lessons. Bought a care to take me there. And called for an art class: dynamic drawing. First the horse. Not a success. The horse was as bored by me as I was. He wouldn't move a single step. Nothing. We both fell asleep.
A day later I drove with my new car to art class. Boom. That was is. There was Ron Curran, the facilitator of Dynamic Drawing. He doesn't care for technique. No, I need to put it differently: he puts you first, that's the technique. All the 'how you are supposed to make art'-rules get crushed. In his classes I discovered the real meaning of art: to express what is. To express what is in you. To express whatever is there.
'Hannah, let go of reality', he told me. 'It's a sign of insecurity.' 'We all know what reality looks like, now I want to see what that reality does IN you.' And from figures I moved to abstract scribbling, scratching, doing. THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.
I skipped the bored horse.
I used my car to go to art class twice a week three hours. I used my little room as art studio, producing one painting after the other.
Still out of boredom though. I had nothing else to do.
And till today I use boredom to get things done. When all the rest is done, and I am waiting for life to happen, I know it's time to create again.
BOREDOM VS EMPTINESS VS CREATION
Now I know boredom is actually the state of emptiness. The state of nothing. Of being empty. It's a beautiful state, and a tricky one. On one side of the emptiness is the darkness: depression, uselessness, feeling lost. Also boredom is on this side. I mean, I can tell you it's not a very happy state of being. It feels lousy. It's like step one on your way to a depression.
On the other side of the emptiness though, is creation. The not-knowing. The curiosity. The let's go and see what's next. The state of being that leads to fulfillment, happiness. Because of what is being created.
I embrace boredom now. I recognize it as emptiness. And that I need to create.
How about the other driving forces: misunderstanding and chaos?
Go to the next post: Interview part 2 | What drives you to make art >>
Topics that touch me.