My driving forces are boredom, misunderstanding and chaos.
Boredom has brought me my current life. The most important decisions in my life where made out of boredom. Like in 2015. I was in Byron Bay, Austalia. No idea what I was doing there, but I didn't have a reason to go somewhere else. I must say I was pretty unhappy. I was just living the days, doing nothing. Waiting for life to happen. Nothing happened.
Then one day a lady I just met told me right in my face: 'You are lonely and bored.' Tears. Help! 'What do you like to do?' I don't know. Together with her I made a list of fun things to do. Dancing lessons, horse riding lessons, ceramics, art classes. I could do anything as long as it wasn't with my head. No language classes for instance.
Next day my mission started: let's create some fun. I called for horse riding lessons. Bought a care to take me there. And called for an art class: dynamic drawing. First the horse. Not a success. The horse was as bored by me as I was. He wouldn't move a single step. Nothing. We both fell asleep.
A day later I drove with my new car to art class. Boom. That was is. There was Ron Curran, the facilitator of Dynamic Drawing. He doesn't care for technique. No, I need to put it differently: he puts you first, that's the technique. All the 'how you are supposed to make art'-rules get crushed. In his classes I discovered the real meaning of art: to express what is. To express what is in you. To express whatever is there.
'Hannah, let go of reality', he told me. 'It's a sign of insecurity.' 'We all know what reality looks like, now I want to see what that reality does IN you.' And from figures I moved to abstract scribbling, scratching, doing. THIS IS IT.
THIS IS IT.
I skipped the bored horse.
I used my car to go to art class twice a week three hours. I used my little room as art studio, producing one painting after the other.
Still out of boredom though. I had nothing else to do.
And till today I use boredom to get things done. When all the rest is done, and I am waiting for life to happen, I know it's time to create again.
BOREDOM VS EMPTINESS VS CREATION
Now I know boredom is actually the state of emptiness. The state of nothing. Of being empty. It's a beautiful state, and a tricky one. On one side of the emptiness is the darkness: depression, uselessness, feeling lost. Also boredom is on this side. I mean, I can tell you it's not a very happy state of being. It feels lousy. It's like step one on your way to a depression.
On the other side of the emptiness though, is creation. The not-knowing. The curiosity. The let's go and see what's next. The state of being that leads to fulfillment, happiness. Because of what is being created.
I embrace boredom now. I recognize it as emptiness. And that I need to create.
How about the other driving forces: misunderstanding and chaos?
Go to the next post: Interview part 2 | What drives you to make art >>
Humility. The word annoys me. It puts me into the nothing. Into the unworthiness. Into ‘who do you think you are?!’ Humility is synonymous to: be nothing, don’t stand in the spotlight, do not get attention. Humility means: wait, it’s not your turn yet. Humility says to not want anything. Humility puts me like a little school girl on a wooden bench, bare legs, high socks, health shoes. Humility gives me two ponytails and a fringe. Humility gives me too big a schoolbag to carry.
Humility humiliates me.
Humility is good. They say. I don't think so. Not in the generally accepted interpretation of the word. That interpretation was directed to the greedy, the dictators, the materialists. But that interpretation keeps me small. It tells me that I don’t know anything. That I cannot know. It tells me to be humble, that is: to have no possessions, no success, no playing big.
I’m here to tell you that I am PLAYING BIG. For that is what I am. BIG. HUGE. GREAT. A GIANT. Invisible still. But a giant. Wait a little longer. Because when this giant steps from behind the curtains into the spotlights, something will change. Yes, I bring change. Big time.
Who do you think you are!?
Topics that touch me.